Jewelry for my vagina? Pass.

Selina Renfrow/Sex Columnist

I was riding the bus the other day and as usual I was bored.  So I used my Blackberry to browse the Globe and Mail’s mobile site and I found this little gem that bemused, amused and creeped me out a bit.

Vaginas enjoy their 15 minutes of commercial fame

Zosia Bielski writes of all the new products out on shelves or online regarding lovely lady bits. I have to say I’m not interested in any [most] of it.

I can’t imagine that jewelry down there is sanitary and really what is the point? Bielski writes of Jennifer Love Hewitt vajazzling her vagina after a breakup and describing it as a disco ball but who saw the disco ball? While JLH tells George Lopez and his audience about the jewelry I doubt she brought it up in casual conversation. It was post-breakup so unless she was getting rebound sex her partner wasn’t seeing it. Maybe it’s comfortable. Maybe it doesn’t catch on your underwear. Maybe you don’t even notice it – but then what’s the point?

I wax for a few reasons. One is modeling. Not that I’m modeling Brazilian waxes, but in case I’m wearing anything skimpy it’s a good idea to be hairless. Even if I’m not, I’m undressing in front of others off stage/behind-the-scenes so you just want to look presentable. Another is swimming. And frankly, I like it. It’s practical. There’s a point to it. Just like there is a point to wearing a thong some days (under tight fitting clothes) and booty shorts other days (with skirts or dresses).

As for Vulvalovelovely.com – it’s actually not that bad. I can’t see myself wearing a vulva shaped pendant around town but I wouldn’t mind having it as a little ornament in my room. The site and shop (on Etsy.com) is respectful and dedicated to loving your lady bits and recognizing that those parts are as beautiful as the rest of you. I can see myself buying a pendant when my daughter is a young teen going through puberty to help explain everything and appreciate becoming a woman.

But Vulva ORIGINAL? Ewwwww!

I do not care if men love the scent and any who say no are lying as the founder is quoted as saying. Get an effin’ girlfriend and go down on her if you want to smell it. Some women like the taste of their partner’s semen, but you don’t see them bottling it up as snack now do you? (Oh I am so grossing myself out right now.)

I’m not sure what to think of My New Pink Button. Do I care about the colour down there? Ummm…. nope.

What’s the point of beautifying your vagina when it’s fine the way it is?