The Reflector’s top five most unusual sex practices

by Vanessa Gillard

Illustration by Courtenay Davidson. Axillism is the practice of having sex with an armpit full of hair. Unusual and uncommon, for some partners, this is true love.

The most sinful weekend of the year is done with, and I’m sure you’re all pretty proud of that notch you carved into your bedpost this Halloween week- end. As if your walk of shame couldn’t be anymore humiliating, skulking down the street in a torn superwoman costume, that little booty they give you to cover your shoe dragging haggardly behind like toilet paper from the washroom of your con- science, you’re wondering, “did we really do that?” Maybe it’s the costumes that put people in the mood to kink it up, but I’ve compiled a list here to make you feel a little less deviant about those pictures that may or may not show up on your Facebook.

Vanessa’s list of top five most unusual sexual practices: do or do not attempt this at home guys and dolls.

1. Dysmorphophilia

This loving practice is very PC; it refers to those who are sexually aroused by deformities in their partners. This could be club feet, gnarly scars, partners with dwarfism, hunchbacks, and things of this nature. I wonder if the Wizard of Oz is highly ap- pealing to these folks? Reminds me of a boyfriend I had who claimed he had been born with a little second thumb on one hand. Anyway this is not about my dat- ing choices, moving on.
 

2. Mummification

This is a practice that is used in bondage. The materials used in this practice are bandages, scissors, a ceiling hook that can support the weight of a partner, a chain, panic snap, a head har- ness, materials for wrapping, duct tape, a large towel and the partner’s favourite sex toys. The wrapping is done so that the breasts and/or genitals are ex- posed. At this point you can, as they say, go to town. Oh, and the scissors are just to cut the wrap- pings off is all.
 

3. Axillism

We’ve all seen it: the ladies who have opted to forgo the re- moval of underarm hair. You have that moment of staring and then sharply turning away so as not to be caught. Well, any man who is particularly interested in this practice would not turn away. In fact he may feel compelled to have sex with said unshorn armpit. Yep, sex with. Friction burn much?
 

4.Power tools

Um so, surprise! People who engage in the use of power tools during sex play run the risk of mutilation or worse. These folks use drills, hedge clippers, sand- ers, milking machines (power tool?), and modified chainsaws. Some drills have been adapted for urethral play by inserting a long cotton swab into the drill’s chuck, some also attach a dildo to the chuck. Some hold the flat side of 10,000 rpm finishing sander that is attached to an air compressor on their clitoris. I have attempted to imagine how this could possibly even work, and after many failed attempts decided against looking it up on YouTube.
 

5. Zoophilia

Yes, last but not least, Zoophilia involves sex between, you guessed it, humans and animals. Our ancestors were pretty ill in- formed and highly depraved. Some ancient cultures felt that the union of man and animal could create sacred demigods, and ancient Egyptians used coitus with female crocodiles to increase virility, according to the Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices. Zoophilia became so common in the 17th century that the Catholic church tried to ban the employment of male herds- men. Think that’s crazy right? The Kinsey Institute reported that as many as 17 per cent of boys raised on farms have had at least one sexual encounter with an animal. Makes you think about what might go on at those gator farms when the tourists have all had their thrills.