The anatomy of a bad Halloween costume

Bad costumes: most of us understand the many faux pas of Halloween attire, but there remain some individuals who have not gotten the memo.

My heart goes out to those souls. Some costumes are just a recipe for disaster like Hitler or anything in blackface. Racism aside, there are many other obstacles to navigate when choosing a costume for your night of masked debauchery.

But when it comes to a good costume — a truly fantastic one — there are a few things to remember.

I would like to take this time to highlight that I have never had an awesome Halloween costume. I have never put the effort in. I’m always half-assing it on the morning of the big night.

One thing that makes a fantastic costume is the planning process. Many excellent and clever costumes are born out of discussions months in advance.

Having the skills to create your brain child is also key. Don’t have the skills? Do you know anyone who does? If not, you might want to re-think things.

Know what kind of party you are going to. Last year, I decided to go as Nyan Cat. Too bad I ended up at a house party where it was apparent NO ONE had ever heard of the Internet. Ever.

Another important thing is knowing where you are going. If you are going to a house party, don’t invest in costume-specific footwear. Wasted cash, right there. If you are going to a bar, make sure it’s something you can actually walk in. I have many, many pairs of shoes that I purchased for one night, only to find that I can’t dance — much less walk — in them for more than 10 minutes.

Make sure, above all, that your hallowed-eve is fun. Dress appropriately, drink safely, and make sure you arrive home safely that night or the next morning (whatever).