Sex Column: An ode to masturbating
Seriously ladies, get down to it
Lynn Don
Sex Columnist
If you are a woman reading this, and you have never masturbated, you are missing out, my friend. But don’t worry, I am here to help.
If you are a man reading this and you have never masturbated, I don’t believe you.
I’m only going to talk about female masturbation because I have zero experience with male masturbation.
Masturbating 101: It will feel good. If it doesn’t, try another technique. You’ll know when you’ve got it all figured out. Photo courtesy: Google Art Project
Masturbating for women is unfortunately not always as straight forward as pulling on your junk until fluids come out. I spent the better part of junior high trying to figure it out with no luck. It wasn’t until I accidentally got a little too close to a hot tub jet that I finally began to understand what all the commotion was about.
There are lots of great tips you can find through a quick Google search on using your digits for pleasure, but if you’re lazy and impatient like I am, you might just want to say fuck it and go for a vibrator.
Vibrators can get fairly pricey, so if you want to see if it’s something you’re into before you buy I suggest getting in your bathtub, turning on the faucet to the temperature of your liking, and kicking your legs up under it.
If it feels like too much, or it’s too intense, simply turn down the stream of water. A vibrator will feel very similar to that. If you notice your water bill getting substantially larger, you should probably pony up and make the purchase.
You can order a vibrator online if you’re shy, or there is an endless number of sex shops in Calgary.
What is important to remember though, is that the sex toy industry is unregulated. That means you can unknowingly buy a vibrator, or other sex toy, with ingredients in them that are not good for your lady parts.
Your best bet is to get a vibrator that is 100 per cent silicone. If you can’t figure out what it is made of, that’s a pretty good reason to not buy it. The website for A Little More Interesting, a really awesome store you can find both in Kensington and on 17th Avenue, recommends getting a vibrator that is phthalate-free. If it doesn’t say right on the packaging that it is phthalate-free, that, in my opinion, is a good enough reason not to buy.
Vibrators that are phthalate-free and made of silicone nearly always cost more, but this is something you will be putting in and around your vagina, so this is not the time to cheap out.
If you have to ask a sales person, don’t be embarrassed, it’s what they’re there for. I can’t speak for all the sex stores in Calgary, but A Little More Interesting only stocks phosphate-free sex toys made of safe materials. Their staff is also all female, who I think are a little less intimidating to talk to.
Also, if you don’t want to form a small battery mountain next to your bed, I would very much recommend getting a rechargeable vibrator. You need to give back to the environment after all that water you wasted in the bathtub.
For the actual masturbating, just turn it on and put it anywhere, seriously. It will feel great. To get the full effect you might want to focus on the clitoris, but just do whatever feels good. Set the vibration speed at whatever feels best for you. This is all about experimenting.
You can try watching porn, or you can use your imagination. You can put on music. It’s really up to you. Masturbating is a personal experience and is different for everyone.
Masturbating can certainly lose its luster if you haven’t had sex in a while (or ever) and every time you DJ only serves as a bitter reminder of the fact that you’re not getting laid.
And like anything, it’s best in moderation. If you often turn down plans on a Friday night so you can stay home and vigorously masturbate for hours, you may have a problem.
For everyone else, masturbating can be fantastic in a variety of situations.
Can’t sleep? Rub one out!
Bored? Rub one out!
No one home? Full volume, baby, rub one out!
And of course, if you don’t know how to make yourself feel good, how can you expect your partner to?
An incorrect term was used in the print edition and has been corrected in the web edition. The term said was “phosphate-free” and the correct term, as it reads on the store’s web site is “phthalate-free.” However, their products are also phosphate-free. The Reflector regrets the error.
A few years ago, I stopped using detergent and began using vinegar in my dishwasher to avoid the environmental effects of phosphates. My dishes are just as clean and the environment is better off.
I wondered if you could create a sex store without selling toys with nasty chemicals. Seriously?!. I asked myself, would it be successful if we could sell vibrators without phosphates? No one else was doing this. Why not?
Could we take such a bold stand? Could we be A Little More Interesting?
As the owner of A Little More Interesting, I wanted to confirm that our toys are in fact Phosphate-Free. That was not a mistake! We live and sell what we preach. I appreciate you highlighting the issue of phosphates.
Our toys also are Phthalate-Free…but that story’s been done before. With Phthalates being linked to cancer, infertility and endocrine disruption, they get all the press and all the glory. The Anti-Phosphate Sex Toy Advocacy Group thanks you.
Thanks Lindsay.
I altered the text at the bottom to reflect that your toys are also phosphate-free. Thanks for the information, I didn’t realize they are also an issue. It is truly scary to think of all the chemicals people are unknowingly coming in contact with via unregulated sex toys. 🙁
-Lindsay