Love your junk

Sex is kind of gross. When you really start to think about it, it’s mainly sticky, sweaty and smelly.

Due to the intimate nature of sex (pressing your naked, sweaty body against someone else’s naked sticky, body) it’s not surprising that many people feel pretty self-conscious during the act and insecure about their sex organs in general.

It’s sad to think that throughout what should be an act of pleasure, someone is worrying about how their boobs look, or whether their dick is big enough, or if their vagina is too smelly.

And hey — it’s fair. Vaginas and penises on their own are not exactly seen as the pinnacle of sexiness. Most people are usually more concerned with things like boobs and ass, or abs and shoulders, than whether someone has a particularly good-looking dick.

Don’t get me wrong — it’s hard not to notice how someone’s dick looks when they’re standing in front of you naked with an erection. But all I’m trying to say is usually people are concerned about the look of the entire person, rather than specifically their junk.

You would think this lack of emphasis on genitals actually being sexy would mean we wouldn’t be too worried about what our own look like. Unfortunately the opposite seems to have occurred, where folks are now overly worried about their genitals not being sexy or attractive.

Women are told that nearly every aspect of their vagina and vulva (the part of the vagina which you can actually see, as it’s outside of the body, consisting of the labia, clitoris, etc.) could use some fixing.

Does your vagina smell? Well, you can purchase to- tally unnecessary vaginal deodorant to keep that natural, completely normal smell away. If you do notice there is a strong smell that wasn’t there before, you might want to get your doctor to check it out. But I can guarantee they won’t recommend you spritz your vulva with an unhealthy chemical spray.

Douching is another “hygienic” practice that has been shown to actually be unhealthy. Though it’s meant to clean the vagina, vaginas are awesome and self-cleaning, so it is completely unneeded and actually bad for you.

Let’s remember that some secretions and wetness coming from the vagina is actually a good thing. The more naturally lubricated your vagina is, the more money you save on lube. Right on!

How your vulva looks is a source of insecurity for many women, who worry that their vagina is “ugly.” This can get to the point of getting a labiaplasty, which is literally trimming down the labia — the protruding lips that surround the opening of the vagina — because apparently protruding labia is something we’re supposed to be ashamed of and get fixed. The truth is that labias come in all shapes and sizes and there is no perfect look we should all aspire to.

Porn certainly plays a part in creating the myth of the perfect vagina, because porn is the only place where we frequently see uncensored genitalia, outside of you know, actually having sex with people.

I am not anti-porn, not by a long shot, but I am opposed to folks who can’t tell fantasy from reality. Real life is not porn.

Porn is also where the myth of the necessity of having a giant dick comes from. Contrary to popular belief, most people couldn’t care less about how big your dick is, so stop stressing about it, dudes.

And definitely stop getting surgeries to lengthen or give more girth to your dick. Remember, it’s not what you have; it’s how you use it. Besides, that surgery is dangerous.

Stressing about the way your genitals look is pointless. The person who cares the most is you.

There might be folks who say your vagina is too hairy, or your dick is too veiny, but if someone is seriously pausing during sex to think, “Man that vagina sure could use a bleaching,” they’re probably not the type of person you should be having sex with.

And yes, there is such a thing as vagina bleaching and it’s terrible. Don’t do it. There is no “right” vagina colour.

If you have a personal preference for the way genitals look, that doesn’t make you a terrible person. But being obsessed with fucking only “perfect” vaginas/penises means you should probably re-evaluate your priorities.

Throughout my time as the sex columnist, I’ve tried to instill a message of sex positivity and self-love, and heavily endorse self-discovery and experimentation. At the root of loving yourself and your sexuality is loving your body, however it may look.

I know this is easier said than done, and some days are harder than others. I’m not trying to say you should always accept your body exactly as it is and never change anything about it. But you also shouldn’t waste time and energy hating yourself while on the road to self-improvement.

Have a good summer MRU, happy fucking!