Sex Column: Getting the ‘O’

Hey ladies! I know some of you are having troubling orgasming so I’m going to help you get there. Many medical professionals agree that virtually any woman can climax.

That’s great news, of course, but just because all women can climax, does not mean it’s easy for all women.

Part of the reason many women have trouble reaching orgasm is because no one ever really tells us what to do to get there. If you’re a dude it can be pretty straight-forward. Just pull on your dick or fuck something/someone until BOOM — you’re done.

When it comes to anyone who has a vagina it is not so clear-cut. Watching movies would have you believe that a guy touches you with his penis, and you burst with rolling orgasms. Now, for some very lucky women, that is possible, but for most of us it’s going to take more work.

The problem with having (or more likely not having) orgasms from vaginal penetration is that, according to Alice of Go Ask Alice, the vaginal walls have very few nerve endings. This doesn’t mean sex isn’t still awesome, and you don’t need to have an orgasm to enjoy sex, but if you want to, you’ll have to give more attention to your friend, the clitoris.

If you want an orgasm from penetrative vaginal sex, your best bet is to hit that g-spot. You’re going to have to Google it though because I’m going to focus on the clitoris/general tips for today.

The clitoris is located at the top of your vulva. It’s a little knob that can provide tons of pleasure. Give that clit some love and it will love you right back.

Bring yourself to orgasm first, via masturbation, before you bring a second party into this so you can guide them and let them know what works for you.

The more aroused you are, the easier it will be to get off and the more satisfying it will feel. According to sex video blogger, Laci Green, the vulva and clitoris fill with the blood when aroused the same way a penis does and it makes the whole area more sensitive.

Think dirty thoughts, read some erotica, check out some (ethical!) porn, whatever gets you worked up. But don’t forget that the vagina/clitoris/vulva area isn’t the only sensitive area on your body. Touch your neck, your hair, your thighs, your nipples, and get a whole body sensation going — then start working that clit with your fingers, or with a toy.

If you’ve used your hand to no avail, use a vibrator. A vibrator will do the job, then you know what an orgasm feels like and can start trying to climax in different ways.

You might be tripping yourself up by thinking about it too much and psyching yourself out. It can be especially daunting if someone is going down on you because you feel an expectation to cum. Side note: oral sex can be a fantastic way to get to that orgasm. Do a little foreplay first to get your clit all sensitive and ready to go.

It often can take a while for a women to build up to an orgasm, so you start to stress that you should be cumming, why aren’t you cumming, they’re probably wondering why you haven’t finished yet. Oh God!

Relax your mind! Putting on some music could help with this. Focus on the sensations and how good it feels, focus on the music, and let your mind get there.

Repetition is usually pretty successful with most women, so use strong pressure on the clit and repetitive movements from the tongue or fingers. But if your clitoris starts to feel numb take a break and give some action to other sensitive areas of the body.

If you aren’t enjoying what your partner is doing let them know. Communicate with your partner about what feels good. They want you to cum. Help them, help you!

Though I said to relax your mind, don’t relax your body! Some tension in the body is needed to reach orgasm.

What does an orgasm actually feel like? Well after all that buildup of touching and sensation it’s a huge feel good release. It is marvelous. Then after that you come down and maybe you’re done or maybe you’re ready for round two.

I know it can be frustrating but just enjoy it. This shouldn’t be a task, or work. This is sexual exploration. It’s fun! You can do it.

If you’ll excuse me, all this orgasm talk has gotten me a bit worked up.