Sex Column: 2014 MRU Sex Survey

Another sex survey has come and gone Mount Royal University, and looking at it from the view of the sex columnist, I’ve come to learn some of the hot fantasies and embarrassing stories from your sexual escapades.

The trend this year, over tattoos and beards, seemed to be Doctor Who and Marvel characters for fictional and fantasy fucks (I myself dream of riding Captain America and leaving a couple stains on that shield of his). In true Alberta style, getting an “O” in the back of a truck in the mountains under the stars was frequently mentioned. One respondent even threw in Keith Urban singing across the field as they got plowed.

MRU is also clearly no stranger to the eccentric and unusual in the bedroom, many having been asked to urinate on their partner or even perform a Cleveland Steamer (and even worse, the Alabama Hot Pocket — look that one up if you dare).

The strangest response for funky bedroom forays has been a request to climb into a dog cage and be jizzed on through the cage bars (note that the line “You’re one hot bitch,” accompanied this submission). But whatever gets you off, as long as both enjoy it and there’s consent and protection — go forth and get your fix. But I have to say, if anal seems strange to you, it truly is a treat for all that I encourage trying (even if I have a huge bias).

By far, I have to say my favorite response of all was “I have never been filled so completely” after sex. Not only did I almost die of laughter, I’ll definitely add it to my pillow talk in future sac sessions (if I happen to be well-filled during/after a romp). Most of the responses to that question were sweet, ranging from “that was amazing,” to “I love you babe.” Romance is always appreciated between the sheets.

Needless to say, this year’s survey confirmed what I already knew: the sex lives of my fellow students are dirty, raunchy but sometimes a little vanilla (that’s totally okay). If you haven’t happened to have sex yet, don’t fret — it will happen when you’re ready!

One more thing: I really need to apologize. I left out bisexual as an option on the survey for “What do you identify as?” It was a complete oversight, and in the hopes of making sure everyone on the spectrum had a say, I left out an important group, which I am truly sorry for. Your voices — and sex lives — matter.

I can’t wait until next year’s survey, and I expect plenty more wonderful sexscapades to come!