Sex Column: Playing Solitare
Our new sex columnist, Caitlin Clow, says any time is a good time to masturbate
Caitlin Clow
Sex Columnist
The best way to bond with your bod is in between the sheets, no? So, why is it still such a faux pas to play the lone soldier, flick the bean or say hello to Palmala Handerson. Well, let’s squash out that taboo. It’s time to clock some personal time with your bits and bites.
Sometimes, the best way to get to know yourself is by playing solo. Photo illustration: Kaity Brown
First off, the best way to be a good playmate is to know what you like, so get in there and figure it out. Take some time out of your day — it won’t be much, I promise — but those three to ten minutes will allow you to learn some valuable information about your junk.
Now you can be well versed when your main squeeze asks that infamous question; “what turns you on?” Had you not spent that time having a party in your pants you may find yourself suggesting (and ultimately hating) having your nips clamped, clit pinched, or butthole tickled just because you thought it looked sexy in a porno. Had you taken the time to try it yourself you would have known better.
This exploration of your undercarriage is not only good research, but it also helps you relax. Orgasms release endorphins like a needle full of happy shooting straight into your blood stream for the best kind of high. Plus reaching that big O by your lonesome helps relieve all kinds of ailments like headaches, tension and boredom, of course.
And this orgasm is totally portable. It can be done anywhere. You can do it in your car — while it’s in park, obviously — you can do it in your bed or in a friend’s. You can fiddle on the floor or standing up. You can make yourself wet in the shower, or heat up in the kitchen. It’s all good. But I do suggest you adjust your
volume accordingly.
Another nice thing about playing alone is that there is no stress involved. In fact, it’s a stress reliever. Rubbing the knob or pushing that button helps release all of those stressors that are weighing you down.
Plus, as an added bonus, there are no strings with this kind of sex. No hurt feelings are involved and there is no drama because it’s just you, your body and perhaps the showerhead.
If you are one of the unfortunate few who don’t have a removable showerhead then sex stores may have something for you. They have a few gizmos available for couples, but primarily it is the Baskin Robbins of Masturbationville. There are 31 flavours of fun that will help getch’ya off and leave you with a nice buzz.
Regardless of your budget, you can find something that looks and feels interesting to play with.
Ladies, choose something that is made of a quality material, silicone for instance, please, please, please avoid jellies. They are porous making them difficult to clean. And remember to clean them! You’re going to stuff that inside your body over and over again so it best be washed to avoid any unwanted infections or build-ups that may deter a partner when your ready to tango.
Men! My beautiful men. You guys have so many options that are visually appealing and nice to the touch. Of course, I am lacking the proper equipment to give ‘em a real go, but you can find sleeves that have studs, suction, bumps, beads, swirls, or even teeth. Same rules apply for you guys too, stick to high-grade material and WASH THEM! Make sure those cyberskin flesh toys are properly dried and powdered to avoid unwanted stickiness.
If you are to take a lesson away from this, let it be this: if you are comfortable fidgeting on your own then you’re bound to be more comfortable when you invite someone else in.
And, as always, ask a professional about your purchasing options. You wouldn’t buy a new Ferrari without talking to a dealer about its selling points. So boogie your way into any adult candy store and ask your shop keep what’s new and hot to spice up your sexy time.
