Sex Column: How to speak cunnilingus
Tongue twisters are a good way to make her squeal
Caitlin Clow
Sex Columnist
Eat dat pussy! Do it well with a few tips from your friendly neighborhood sex columnist.
With Thanksgiving officially over and our stomachs sufficiently stuffed, it’s time we whet our appetite with something a little more personal: eating pussy.
The art of cunnilingus is indeed a fine one and with these helpful tips you too can speak the language. You can be a cunnilinguist.
First things first: not all women are constructed the same down there, so don’t try the same ol’ tricks and be disappointed when she doesn’t react the same way as your ex. If her body isn’t reacting to your tongue twister, try something different.
If you are wearing a disgusted look on your face right now because you fear the smell of your special lady, why not suggest a shower as part of the foreplay? Or better yet, recognize that vaginas have odours. ‘Tis part of life.
Every woman has a very unique smell in her undercarriage ranging from sweet to musky to straight up fishy, and, if this is a problem for you, I’d recommend a flavoured lube to switch up the taste. Sex Tarts are by far the most delicious. They’re water-based and, most importantly, sugar-free meaning there won’t be any gnarly yeast infections post-play. Everyone wins.
Vaginas can be intimidating for some because there are so many crevices and curves. If you don’t know where to start, think back to your table manners; start from the outside and work your way in. Pay attention to the labia majora — those are the outside lips (the fatty, fleshy ones) — lick them lightly to get your girl in gear.
Once she’s teased a little, slide your tongue inside and start working her inner bits, including her labia minora and her clitoris.
Her clit is the hot button. There are over 8,000 nerve endings in this little buddy so give it some special attention. A hood covers the clit so if you’re brave you can push that back a bit to gain access to more nerve endings.
By now, she’s probably getting pretty wet and you may be interested in slipping a finger or two into her cooter. Test the waters by using your fingers to play around the region and if she pushes your hand away concentrate on your oral presentation.
When you’ve found that sweet spot that makes her back arch, or she’s moaning or panting heavily, or perhaps she’s even clapping you in the ears with her thighs, stay there. Don’t stop. If you work that spot consistently, at the same pace, you’ll push her over the edge.
Ladies, if you need your box chowed in a particular way and you have the know-how, make sure you let your partner know. You’ll be glad you did once you ska-ploosh everywhere. Giving instructions during sexy times shouldn’t feel uncomfortable, so long as you’re not barking orders.
There are many positions that can spice things up too. For instance, if your girl is feeling a bit insecure, try pulling her legs to the edge of the bed. That way she won’t feel like she’s spreading eagle for her annual pap smear.
Try propping her hips up with a pillow — especially if you add in some hand play — because this will allow you to have some easy access to her fully engorged G-spot. In this position, you can try to push down (lightly) on her abdomen to push her G down for better access. If done correctly this may lead to some squirting, just F.Y.I.
Face sitting is another option but there is some insecurity that may come with this — including the fear of having her “brown eye” making eye contact with your face. Ensure you comfort her by reminding her that every living thing has a butthole.
Even better, if you’re the adventurous type you can play around that region with your finger or tongue if she’s giving you the go-ahead. Plus, this position may lead to some glorious 69 times.
Bonus tip: if your mouth is busy, but your hands are not, make sure that you’re touching your woman. Soft caresses, and even some booby play, will increase pleasure and keep her connected with you, as will eye contact, so make sure you look up at her once and a while.
Phew! That was extensive. But by the time you’ve utilized all these handy-dandy tools, your girl should be wet and geared to go for a bang-sesh. Congratulations, you are now a fluent cunnilinguist.
