The gateway to a flourishing life |

Brennen French, Staff Writer | 

Calendar pages flip to February, New Year’s resolutions dissolve, and many people begin to feel the heaviness that holds the air. That heaviness, composed of much more than the brisk winter blanket draping Alberta, comes alongside the synthetic holiday of love—Valentine’s Day.

Distant relatives question where your partner is, and grocery stores force-feed gifts of empty endearment down your throat. No matter your situation, this time of year can be very hard. However, the dreaded Feb. 14 is not only about romantic relationships, it is about platonic ones too.

Family and friends are pivotal to how people feel loved during this holiday, but it is no surprise that every person expresses their love differently. This is why a gentleman named Gary Chapman created and coined the term ‘love languages’—to help people identify their own expressive principles behind their ability to communicate their own love.

Chapman is the author of The 5 Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, which was published and released in October 1992. It slowly became one of New York Times bestselling books. He created the book based on his work as a couple’s counsellor at a Baptist church after receiving his PhD in anthropology.

The Five Love Languages

Acts of service: Acts of service are demonstrated by showing love and gratitude to loved ones by doing small and large acts of kindness, such as cleaning the house or offering to hold someone’s bag.

Receiving gifts: Receiving gifts doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, more so the thought and process of going out of one’s way to get something to express affection to others. This can also go the other way, as some people like to give gifts just as much as they receive them.

Quality time: Quality time is often just enjoying the company of others to the fullest. No distractions, no phones, and no computers, just thoughtful interaction and dedicated special time–quality over quantity.

Words of affirmation: Words of affirmation are ways an individual indicates their love by spreading praise, appreciation, and general expressive communication.

Physical touch: Physical touch is expressed in many different forms besides intimate experiences. Things such as dancing, hand-holding, hugs, and much more are events that contribute to this beautiful love language.

Why is this important?

Chapman has a website where more information is provided and quizzes are available to determine what is most likely to be an individual’s love language. Even though these forms of love communication were originally built off of partner relations, it is not strictly reserved for relationships of that nature. Rather, knowing and understanding the love languages of those around you can be a beneficial way to ensure your network feels supported and loved.

Many people incorporate these love languages into their daily lives without even realizing it. Acts of service is for those helping hands, and someone who shows their love this way might inadvertently do things like cleaning the table after a family dinner or brushing the snow off of your car.

The language of receiving gifts does not always mean massive teddy bears and chocolates, but can look like a friend bringing you coffee without asking or handing off their favourite book to you because they know you might like it.

Quality time is arguably the easiest and most effective way to make family and friends feel loved. Unplugging, being present, planning thoughtful days together, going on a hike, or even hitting the town with friends are easy ways to be in the moment together.

Words of affirmation are often times one of the more difficult languages. Many people overlook the power in simply saying “I love you” to family and friends when they mean it. It could also look like telling people what they remind you of, asking about their day and engaging in their life, or simply letting them know what they mean to you. Small but mighty, it’s called a love language for a reason—don’t forget the power of words.

Lastly, it is widely believed that physical touch is reserved for romance only. However, a hug goes a long way. Things like a hand on their back during a time of need or a head on the shoulder when you watch a sad movie can’t be overlooked. Remember, though, not everyone is a fan of physical touch. When making new friends or seeing distant family, it’s always a good idea to ask where they stand with their personal bubble. Even if they laugh at you, it’s better than invading their space unknowingly.

Love is all around

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be lonely. It should be a day of solidarity with people we love and care about whether that be with a partner or not—platonic relationships require attention too.

The idea that an individual only uses one or two of these languages is a common misconception. Our lives and activities are made up of all of these love languages, and they should be used as a way to open up communication, provide comfort and care, and show solidarity with our loved ones that we so graciously get the opportunity to spend our time with.

Chapman and relationship experts alike all share a similar motive in their field of work—wanting to see growth in their clients. Without a willingness to open one’s heart, growth is much harder to achieve. Considering how many people struggle with the idea of being alone, there is something that I personally would like to note.

Seeing growth and opening your heart is scary, but without trying, change will never happen. These love languages are gateways to learning how to love ourselves. There is no right or wrong way to approach what a person needs, which is why it is important to take care of ourselves and stay surrounded by people who really care and want to experience growth healthily on the same journey.

And after all of that, if you’re feeling bummed about Valentine’s Day, remember this quote from the late, but very popular peace activist Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, from Hue, Vietnam. “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”

Brennen French is a Staff Writer for The Reflector 2024-2025.